At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
