tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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