GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
