Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
