you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
