well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
