Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Of course I have a pirate flag
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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