he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
