There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
