What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
