remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
