i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
honey bunches of taint.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
