So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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