So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
