i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
