Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
