I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
