420 ftw
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
