I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
