Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
