jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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