I think my fart just growled at me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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