Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
