my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
