Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
