I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize