We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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