im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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