Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
