oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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