I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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