im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
