im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
