No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
