I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
