feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
