that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
God, I missed his penis.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
