He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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