never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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