you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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