he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
