I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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