Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
