dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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