gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
