wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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