11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
