His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
vagina is talking i cant
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
