My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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