She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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