he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
