Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
