i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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