***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
