vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
