their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They took my balls.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
