I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
