yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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