I could have mohawked her pubes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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