remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
false alarm, still single
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
