I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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