Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
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