He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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