she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
