Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
