If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
