My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm really busy with my period
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