They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
