it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
