Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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