He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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