That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
