He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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