Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
