I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
