So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
