i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
