for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I look better un-naked...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
