We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
