I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
