i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
