Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I love you. Go after that dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize