Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
