someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
