It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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