The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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