Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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