Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Please don't give away my fajitas
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