I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My vagina is officially offended.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
