Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
