I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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