I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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