Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize