She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
